Crazy Ernies Current News Comedy

Updated daily unless I don't update it. This site is rated for XXX ADULTS ONLY It contains serious news and XXX political comedy. Please leave if you are under 18.

Published in Saginaw, Michigan

Crazy Ernie Dump, Sole Owner

This is Crazy Ernie at work in the nuthouse!
Crazy Ernie sez:

"Sometimes I just get fucking frustrated listening to the daily news.
Sometimes we just need something to tickle our ribs with laughter.
Did you ever get pissed off hearing a news story and you absolutely know
that what you are hearing is a heavily parsed story if not an outright lie.
WELL, welcome to my daily comedy news comments which are the absolute truth
sometimes, except where I fib a little to embelish the story. You make the
decision about reading our 'Fair & Balanced' comments on daily news stories.
If you love funny stuff along with serious stuff you'll love us."

Here is the real Crazy Ernie with his girlfriend Beumadine
and his dog Crotch. Their 15 other kids are not shown. :-)

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Just in time for Christmas shopping
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Funny Crazy Ernie News and Humor plus
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for March 2011

Our daily comedy news comments:

Some very serious and some naughty XXX nice comedy!

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CRAZY ERNIE FOR PRESIDENT IN 2012

"I promise I WILL NOT STEAL as much as those before me."

"I promise I WILL NOT LIE as much as those before me."

"I promise I WILL NOT CHEAT as much with other women as those before me"

"And, I PROMISE many more friendly guys/gals on adult .69 cent phone chat - 1-888-217-0130."

Vote for Crazy Ernie for President and Comment: YES --- NO

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VISIT CRAZY ERNIES ONLINE STORE
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Visit our blogs previous months here

december 2010 - january 2011 - february 2011

 

Live precious metal trading prices!

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July 17, 2011 update

Casey Anthony 911 call .....

Casey Anthony places a call to 911 in fear of her life...

(Dispatcher) "What is your emergency?"

(Casey) "Please help me, I have a bunch of people trying to kill me."

...(Dispatcher) "Okay ma'am, calm down. What is your name?"

(Casey) "Casey Anthony."

(Dispatcher) Okay Miss Anthony try to stay calm, an officer will be there in 31 days...

 

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June 2, 2011 update

A few hot days here so decided to go water skiing. Beuamadine sed I was a fruitcake but she did fly the plane ok for me. LOL

Call us at 1-800-299-9193 for some phonesex.

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May 1, 2011 update

Beumadine is pissed off today. She wanted to fly down to Tennesee to see her kin. At the airport they found silver in her hair, gold in her teeth and some lead in her ass and made her strip naked in a screening room. Now, she loved that but ... she is pissed that no one hit on her for some pussy.

Did you know that hickies are Tennessee trailer park bar codes. LOL

I saw one the other day that had 1 toothmark and RedMan tobacco stains on it.

NOTE TO LARRY THE CABLE GUY: Don't you dare steal this one. LOL

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May 1, 2011 update

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May 15, 2011 update

Did you know that hickies are trailer park barcodes??? LOL

I saw one the other day that had 1 toothmark and chewing tobacco stains on it. Now that's funny as Larry the Cable Guy would say.

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April 25, 2011 update

Sorry for lack of updates here. I am heavily involved in the Rare Coin market and Bullion markets. See JERRY'S COIN SHOP

Silver has been skyrocketing and I have been on the road traveling to pick up loads of silver for customers. Sold over 500 ounces last week and it has kept me busy. Got more to go pick up later today. Hope you understand. Will try to update more often in the future. If you are a coin collector or investor we have many nice coins on our website above.

Crazy Ernie bought Beumadine 2 toothbrushes for Easter. Beaumadine said: "Why 2 toothbrushes?" Ernie said: "One for each tooth."

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March 23, 2011 update

Woke up this morning to another 4-5 inches of fucking snow again. Worst damn winter in Saginaw in over a decade. Me and Beumadine absolutely hate this crappy weather. Gonna try to hit the $300+ million Lotto jackpot and buy the state of Arizona, Alabama and/or Texas and move the whole damn family down where it is warm. Weather here makes us wanna puke ... period.

What made matters worse I decided to watch a porn movie. Popped a tape in the old VCR and found out the movie starred Beaumadine. Come on now, things do have to get better don't they ... LOL.

Famous things I wished I never said:

* What does this button do?

* It's probably just a rash.

* Are you sure the power is off?

* Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, we settled for Budweiser?

* The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!

* Pull the pin and count to what?

* Which wire was I supposed to cut?

* I wonder where the mother bear is.

* I know I can do it ... I've seen this done on TV.

* These are the good kind of mushrooms.

* I'll hold it tight between my legs and you light the fuse.

* The pickup truck is light ... so let it down slowly.

* Rat poison only kills rats.

* This bridge is strong enough for both of us.

* This doesn't taste right.

* I can make this light before it changes.

* Nice doggie.

* I can do that with my eyes closed.

* I've done this before.

* Well, we've made it this far.

* That's odd.

* You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses on, would you?

* Don't be so superstitious.

* Y'all watch this now. It's simple to do.

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March 12, 2011 update

Sorry for the lapse in posts since mid-February. Had some medical problems that really kept me
away from the computer where I could make some nonsense.
>[:-)
That's me with my UFO cap with the antennas up looking for signals.

Here is a picture of my DREAM car

What a Super Sweet mean mean rattlin' machine

CRAZY ERNIE sez: Beumadine came home early last night and caught me in bed with a totally NAKED Midget girl. She was really pissed off and screamed: 'I thought you said you were going to stop cheating on me Ernie?' I said: 'Calm down sweetie, I'm trying ... can't you see that I am cutting down quite a bit. She barely weighs 65 pounds.'

Feel sorry for the Earthquake victims in Japan.
My prayers go out to them today.

But, here is our BREAKING NEWS from Emery Gap
on our earthquake.

BREAKING EARTHQUAKE NEWS from CRAZY ERNIE & BEAUMADINE reporting:

A major earthquake of 15.7638529 magnitude on the Richter Scale hit Emery Gap in the early hours of yesterday with the epicenter just 3.6' from Crazy Ernie and Beaumadines house trailer in our park of 435.5 trailers. The .5 trailer is owned by a small family of mother, father, son, daughter and 9 chillun not mating yet.

The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately $30 worth of damage to our trailer ... almost a total loss.

Several priceless NASCAR caps were damaged along with our empty beer can collection of 691 cans.

We lost over 5 decades of used cars and pickup trucks in our front yard. Even 3 tractors, a used golf cart and 5 refridgerators were a total loss.

Many locals were woken up well before they could get to their mailbox for their welfare checks arrived. Tracy Smith, a 15 year old mother of 5 living next to us was in such shock when her smallest daughter, Chardonnay Mercedes, came running into her bedroom crying that her bed fell off the milk pails. Her youngest 2 kids came screaming and interupted her concentration on Jerry Springer.

Drinking, looting, muggings, car crimes and incest carried on as normal during this disaster.

The Red Cross so far has managed to get 4,000 crates of Pork & Beans and 70,000 bottles of fresh Boone's Farm Wine to the area to help the stricken families.

Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found huge quantities of personal belongings. Over 500 food stamp books, 1200 pairs of used tennis shoes, jewelry from Priceline and valuable bone china from Walmart, ladies panties from Costco, 822 partial cans of Copenhagen chew, 1 used rubber, 850 sets of false teeth (some from children) and much more valuable modern garbage items.

 

NOW, HOW YOU CAN HELP

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing that the unfortunate lost in this disaster. Clothing most sought after and most needed include: baseball caps, flannelette shirts, thongs, tracksuits, Bull Durham rollin' tobacco, shotguns, huntin' dogs, beer, anything with NASCAR printed on it, live breeding chickens and hogs, coupons from KFC, Bacardi Breezers, chips, Oreo cookies, bib overalls, ladies panties with a heart on, pickup truck mufflers, plastic eatin' ware, re-usable paper plates and more. Really needed bad is a herd of healthy coon dogs.

If you would prefer to donate money, 25c buys a used dresser for filling in; $5.00 buys chips, battered Catfish, crisps and fizzy drinks for a family of 9; $10 will pay for a 5 pack of cigars and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected; $50 will buy a total NEW used trailer for a family of 18.

Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of posh housing would not look fair on the population of the neighboring areas.

NOTE: The quake was caused by a 52 mile weak trench being dug from a nearby Metropolis to our Emery Gap trailer park so we could have lecticity and not have to depend on our hound dog running a treadmill generator for power.

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